First Round

1. Arizona Cardinals - Scottsdale is cool in your 60s, not so much in your 20s.

2. San Francisco 49ers - You'll have a chance to invest in the next Theranos.

3. New York Jets - "No, we are the Jets. Not the Giants."

4. Oakland Raiders - "It's actually crazier in the locker room."

5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Ybor City looks fun.

6. New York Giants - The fourth most valuable franchise in the NFL.

7. Jacksonville Jaguars - "Jacksonville, do you believe in miracles?" - that was 23 years ago.

8. Detroit Lions - At least "The Captain" Steve Yzerman is back in town.

9. Buffalo Bills - You'll love Toronto.

10. Denver Broncos - It's the Vic Fangio era. Enough said.

11. Cincinnati Bengals - Love that WKRP and chili on spaghetti. Amazing.

12. Green Bay Packers - "No way. Aaron Rodgers is not a diva. No way."

13. Miami Dolphins - You'll wish you worked at a Hard Rock.

14. Atlanta Falcons - "One of our players married a Real Housewife of Atlanta!"

15. Washington Redskins - Only the White House is more poorly managed in this town.

16. Carolina Panthers - The floppy hair and khakis capital.

17. New York Giants - The ninth most valuable professional sports franchise in the world.

18. Minnesota Vikings - Still a spectacular stadium.

19. Tennessee Titans - "Did we tell you Vince Young appeared on the cover art for the Madden NFL 08?"

20. Pittsburgh Steelers - Playoff appearances = 1947, 1972, 1973, 1974, 1975, 1976, 1977, 1978, 1979, 1982, 1983, 1984, 1989, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 2001, 2002, 2004, 2005, 2007, 2008, 2010, 2011, 2014, 2015, 2016, and 2017.

21. Seattle Seahawks - Seahawk is another name for Osprey.

22. Baltimore Ravens - Have you had a crab cake sandwich?

23. Houston Texans - Astronauts Mark and Scott Kelly are fans.

24. Oakland Raiders - Peaking for Las Vegas!

25. Philadelphia Eagles - "Yes, Gritty is more horrifying in person."

26. Indianapolis Colts - The owner just bought the piano used by John Lennon for 'Sgt. Pepper' album.

27. Oakland Raiders - Three picks in the first round, still won't matter.

28. Los Angeles Chargers - High schools in Texas have more fans in the stands.

29. Seattle Seahawks - Some QBs give watches, Russell Wilson gives linemen Amazon stock.

30. Green Bay Packers - "Seriously. Aaron Rodgers is not a diva."

31. Los Angeles Rams - Headquartered in Agoura Hills, California. You know the place where the filming of the M.A.S.H TV series took place.

32. New England Patriots - Denting the Vince Lombardi Trophy?!? Did Gronk just put a curse on the team?!?

-Marc

Marc A. Ross specializes in thought leader strategy for executives and entrepreneurs working at the intersection of globalization, disruption, and politics.